Do you think ‘friends with benefits’ is a bad idea?

‘Friends with benefits’ is when two acquaintances have agreed to have a sexual relationship, while in tacit agreement that they are not emotionally responsible for one another.  The only commitment between the two parties is that there will be sex.  ‘Friends with benefits’ is one way that some have of getting their need for physical intimacy met within a relatively safe and familiar context.

This arrangement works well for some, whereas for others it may lead to confusion or hurt feelings.  It’s awfully easy to promise not to develop an emotional attachment to someone in the heat of the moment, but we do not have control over our amorous emotions.  Add to that the fact that with orgasm comes the secretion of the bonding hormone oxytocin, and you have a physiological situation that makes it challenging to have emotional immunity from the person you’re having sex with.

Some are much more adept at navigating ‘friends with benefits’ situations than others.  It certainly can work, so long as both partners in the deal are honest with themselves and with each other.  It can be very difficult to pretend you’re not developing feelings for the person that you’re physically intimate with.

If you do end up in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation and unexpectedly begin having an emotional attachment, know that it is an incredibly natural reaction– it does not mean that you ‘lose’ or that you are ‘weak’.  What you have to decide is how to best respect yourself and your emotions– is it time to forego physical intimacy in the name of emotional sanity?  Can you communicate what you’re experiencing to the person you’re having sex with?  And, if you do not develop feelings for the person that you’re getting busy with, that also is normal, and does not imply that you are nothing more than a heartless sex-bot.